


Fry Is A Butch Trans Lesbian

by lesbianic



Category: Futurama
Genre: ????????????, F/F, Gen, so this is a thing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 22:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12874272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianic/pseuds/lesbianic
Summary: Seeing as how this is already canon, nothing has changed. I just tweaked it a little so it was acknowledged more, since the orignal writers seemed to ignore it.I've never done anything like this and writing isn't exactly a top hobby of mine so if you have any critiques, lemme know.





	Fry Is A Butch Trans Lesbian

FUTURAMA WHERE EVERYTHING IS THE SAME EXCEPT “FRY IS A BUTCH TRANS LESBIAN” IS ACKNOWLEDGED

SEASON ONE, EPISODE ONE: SPACE PILOT 3000

 

\-----

 

[December 31st, 1999]

 

[Graphics of an oldschool arcade game appear, showing THE PLAYER as a spaceship dodging planets]

 

FRY narrates:

Space.

It seems to go on and on forever.

But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

 

[THE PLAYER is shown shooting at the barrels being thrown at them, until they are hit. GAME OVER appears onscreen]

 

FRY:

And _that’s_ how you play the game.

 

BRATTY KID:

You stink, loser!

 

PANUCCI slams a pizza on the counter:  
‘Ey, Fry, pizza goin’ out! _C’mooon!_

 

[FRY winces and grabs the pizza box, which reads “PANUCCI’S PIZZA. DO NOT TIP THE DELIVERY BOY!”, she sighs]

 

[FRY is shown bicycling past various drunken New Year’s celebraters]

 

[FRY stops at a curb and sees her girlfriend in a taxi]

 

FRY:

Michelle! Baby! Where you goin’?

 

[MICHELLE is shown with a man whose arm is around her]

It’s not working out, Fry.

 

[The cab starts moving away]

 

MICHELLE yells out the window:

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

 

[FRY continues biking]

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

 

[FRY chains her bike to a news dispenser before entering a building]

 

[A NEW YORKER in a party hat sneaks up, picks the bike lock, and rides off with it]

 

THIEF:

Happy New Year!

 

[FRY exits an elevator and knocks on a door reading “APPLIED CRYOGENICS  
NO POWER FAILURES SINCE 1997”, with the 7 written on a sticky note]

 

[FRY opens the door, entering a strange office. FRY walks up to one of the freezers and wipes the frost from the window, peering in]

 

FRY:

Hello? Pizza delivery for

[FRY looks at the note]

_“I.C. Wiener”?_

Aw, crud. I always thought at this point in my life, _I’d_ be the one making the crank calls.

 

[FRY sits on a chair and cracks open a beer]

Here’s to another lousy millennium.

 

[Outside, the countdown begins. Scenes throughout the world show people counting down]

 

[At “one”, FRY blows a noise maker. It rolls back and hits her face. FRY begins falling backwards on the tipped chair]

 

[FRY rolls off the chair and into a cryogenic freezer. A timer sets itself for 1000 years]

 

FRY:

What the?!

 

[FRY looks around in panic before becoming frozen]

 

[Outside the window, New York is shown to go through various forms of change (alien destruction, rebuilt as kingdom, more alien destruction, etc.)]

 

[The cryogenic freezer’s timer dings, it’s door opens, and FRY, newly thawed, steps out in a daze]

 

[FRY stretches and begins walking past the window. FRY’s eyes widen as she realises her outdoor surroundings have changed. She rushes to the window]

 

FRY:

Oh my God, it’s the future!

My parents, my coworkers, my girlfriend...I’ll never see any of them ever again…

_YAHOO!_

 

[Cut to intro]

 

[FRY continues staring out of the window as flying cars zoom by. FRY turns as she hears people enter the room]

 

[TERRY and UNNAMED AIDE enter, the lights remain off]

 

TERRY, dramatically:

Welcome...to the world of tomorrooow!

 

UNNAMED AIDE flips the lightswitch on:

Why do you always have to say it that way?

 

TERRY:

Haven’t you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?

[TERRY adopts a dramatic tone again]

_Come!_ Your destiny _awaits!_

 

[A door is shown with a sign that reads “FATE ASSIGNMENT OFFICER”]

 

UNNAMED AIDE, to FRY:

Have a nice future.

 

[The door slides upwards]

 

FRY:

Cool, just like in Star Trek.

[The door slides down onto FRY’s face]

 

[FRY walks into another office, rubbing her head. FRY is greeted by a lady turned away from her]

 

LEELA:

Good afternoon, sir.

 

[FRY makes an interested noise, then gasps loudly when LEELA turns, seeing that LEELA is a cyclops]

 

LEELA:

Name?

 

FRY:

Uh...Fry?

 

LEELA:

I’m Leela. Now, it’s New Year’s Eve, so I’d like to decide your fate quickly, and get outta here.

 

FRY:

Can I ask you a question?

 

LEELA:

Ask long as it’s not about my eye.

 

FRY:

Uhhh…

 

LEELA:

Is it about my eye?

 

FRY:

Sort of.

 

LEELA sighs:

Just ask the question.

 

FRY:

What’s with the eye?

 

LEELA:

I’m an alien, alright? Let’s drop the subject.

 

FRY:  
Cool, an alien. Has your race taken over the Earth?

LEELA:

No, I just work here.

 

[A blimp outside the window reads “HAPPY NEW YEAR 3000!”]

 

FRY:  
Wait a minute, is that blimp accurate?

 

LEELA:

Yep.

It’s December 31st, 2999.

 

FRY, slightly dramatically:

My God, a _million_ years…

 

LEELA:

I’m sure this must be very upsetting for you.

 

FRY:  
You know, I guess it should be, but actually, I’m glad.

I had nothing to live for in my old life.

I was broke, I had a humiliating job, and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

 

LEELA:  
Well at least here you’ll be treated with dignity.

Now strip naked and get on the probulator.

 

[FRY is shown lying/floating naked below several scary looking contraptions]

 

[LEELA flips down her safety goggle and flips a switch. FRY yelps a little]

 

[A document is printed, LEELA grabs it]

 

LEELA:  
Interesting.

Your DNA test shows one living relative.

He’s your great-great-great-

[FRY begins dressing herself. By the time she’s done, LEELA’s finishing up]

-great-great-great nephew.

 

FRY:  
That’s great! What’s the little guy’s name?

 

LEELA:  
Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

 

[LEELA shows FRY a photo of a very wizened old man]

 

FRY:  
Eugh…

 

[Cut to LEELA typing info into a holographic computer]

 

FRY:  
You know, I’m the luckiest guy in the whole future.

I’ve been given a second chance, and this time, I’m not gonna be a total loser.

 

[The computer beeps]

 

FRY:  
What’s that?

 

LEELA:  
Your permanent career assignment.

[LEELA turns the screen to show FRY that it says DELIVERY BOY]

 

FRY:  
Delivery boy?!

_No!_ Not again!

Please! Anything else!

[FRY reaches for LEELA’s arm]

 

LEELA, smacking FRY’s hand away:

Take your hands off me!

You’ve been assigned the job you’re best at, just like everyone else!

 

FRY:  
What if I refuse?

 

LEELA:

Then you’ll be fired-

 

FRY:  
Fine!  
  
LEELA:  
-out of a cannon, into the sun.

 

FRY:  
But I don’t _like_ being a delivery boy.

 

LEELA:  
Well that’s tough.

Lots of people don’t like their jobs, but we do them anyways.

[LEELA refers to a poster that reads “YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO”]

You gotta do what you gotta do.

Now hold out your hand.

 

[FRY holds out her hand]

 

LEELA:

I’m gonna implant your career chip.

It’ll permanently label you as a delivery boy.

[LEELA holds up the career chip gun, which opens and reveals a large needle]

 

[FRY grabs her hand back]  
Keep that thing away from me!  
  
[FRY starts running. LEELA chases after her into the freezer room]

 

[LEELA reaches for FRY, who dodges her]

 

LEELA:  
Hold still, dammit!

I don’t have good depth perception!

 

[LEELA starts backing FRY up against a freezer, and jumps at FRY. FRY jumps away, causing LEELA to jump into the freezer]

 

[The freezer’s timer sets itself to 1000 years]

 

LEELA, pounding on the freezer door:

You’ve got ‘til the count of five to let me out of here!

One-

[LEELA is frozen]

 

FRY, chuckling:

See you in a thousand years!

[FRY walks away, then looks back at LEELA and sighs. FRY walks over to the freezer’s timer and sets it to 5 minutes]

You owe me one.

 

[FRY walks under the door, looking upwards to make sure it doesn’t slide down on her. It instead comes in from the side, and she has to squeeze through it]

 

[FRY runs out of APPLIED CRYOGENICS. She stops, awestruck, at the sight of NEW NEW YORK]

 

FRY:

Woah…

[Rocketships are shown taking off, people flying using jetpacks, hovercars, etc.]

 

[FRY begins walking throughout NEW NEW YORK until she sees an entrance to a travel tube]

 

NEW NEW YORKER #1:  
Radio City Mutant Hall!  
[NEW NEW YORKER #1 flies up through the tube]

 

[FRY enters the tube]

Cool!

Uhhh, Crosstown Express?

[FRY is shown going through the tube, seeing various sights, whooping the whole way (some people look up to stare)]

 

[At the end of the tube, New New Yorkers are shown gracefully slipping from the tube. FRY flies directly into a wall]

 

NEW NEW YORKER #2:

Psh, tourist.

 

[FRY notices a line for a suicide booth]  
Hey, a phone booth!

I can call my nephew.

[FRY gets in line, turning around when she hears someone tapping their foot]  
Woah, a real-live robot!

Or is that some kinda cheesy New Year’s costume?

 

BENDER:  
Bite my shiny metal ass.

 

FRY:  
It doesn’t look so shiny to me.

 

BENDER:  
Shinier than yours, meatbag.

 

[FRY turns around and moves forward in line]

 

[A light flashes from inside the suicide booth, and the door opens to show an empty room]

 

[FRY walks in and pushes the START button multiple times, getting frustrated]

 

BENDER enters:

Listen, buddy, I’m in a hurry here. Let’s try for a two-fer.

 

[BENDER pays using a quarter attached to a string and his finger, chuckling]

 

SUICIDE BOOTH AUTOMATED MESSAGE:  
Please select mode of death:

Quick and Painless, or Slow and Horrible.

 

FRY:  
Yeah, I’d like to place a collect call!

 

SUICIDE BOOTH AUTOMATED MESSAGE:  
You have selected Slow and Horrible.

 

BENDER:

Great choice!

 

[A panel slides down, revealing various weapons]

 

BENDER:  
Bring it on, baby!

 

[FRY screams]

 

[Cut to outside of suicide booth, which flashes “IN USE”]

 

BENDER:  
C’mon, c’mon! Kill me already!  
[BENDER extends his hand]  
By the way, my name’s Bender!

  
FRY:  
Help! What’s happening?!

 

[The suicide booth’s weapons start going towards FRY and BENDER. FRY pushes them both against a wall. The session ends with a knife sticking out]

 

SUICIDE BOOTH AUTOMATED MESSAGE:  
You are now dead!

Thank you for using Stop and Drop, America’s favourite suicide booth since 2008!

 

[FRY rushes out of the suicide booth. BENDER kicks at it]

 

BENDER:

Lousy stinkin’ ripoff…

Welp, I didn’t have anything else planned for today.

Let’s go get drunk!

 

[Back at APPLIED CRYOGENICS, LEELA’s freezer time is about up]

 

[The freezer’s timer dings]

 

LEELA thaws:

-two, three…

[LEELA looks around]

Hey…

 

TERRY, dramatically:

Welcome...to the world of tomorrooow!

 

LEELA:

Shut up, Terry.

 

[Cut to Ipji’s office]

 

IPJI:  
This is unacceptable, Leela!

You must find this mister Fry and install his chip!  
  
LEELA:  
Look, he’s just a nobody who doesn’t wanna be a delivery boy.

I’d really rather not force it on him.

 

IPJI:  
Well that’s your job, whether you like it or not!

And it’s my job to make sure you do your job, whether I like it or not.

Which I do! Very much!

Now get to work!

 

[LEELA sighs and walks away]

 

IPJI:  
Life is good.

 

[Cut to O’RGANAX’S PUB]

 

[BENDER is handed a bottle of OLD FORTRAN MALT LIQUOR. He starts chugging it down]

 

FRY:  
Why would a robot need to drink?

 

BENDER:  
I don’t _need_ to drink, I can quick anytime I want.

[He burps fire]

So they made you a delivery boy, huh?

Man, that’s as bad as my job.

 

FRY:  
Really? What do you do, Bender?

 

BENDER:  
I’m a bender.

I bend girders, that’s all I’m programmed to do.

 

FRY:  
You any good at it?

 

BENDER:  
You kiddin’?! I was a stud.

I could bend a girder to any angle.

Thirty degrees, thirty-two degrees, you name it…

[A little sadly]

...Thirty-one.

But I couldn’t go on living once I found out what the girders were for.

 

FRY:  
What?

 

BENDER:  
Suicide booths.

[BENDER throws his liquor bottle into his mouth like a trashcan]

Welp, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you.

I’m gonna go kill myself.

 

FRY:  
Wait, you’re the only friend I have!

 

BENDER:  
You really want a robot for a friend?

 

FRY:  
Yeah, ever since I was six.

 

BENDER:  
Well, okay.

But I don’t want anyone thinking we’re robosexuals, so if anyone asks, you’re my debugger.

 

[FRY looks out the window]  
Oh, no, it’s the cyclops.

 

[BENDER turns his head]

 

FRY:

Don’t look, don’t look!

 

BENDER:  
I’m not lookin’.

[BENDER’s eyes extend]

 

[LEELA appears to ask a NEW NEW YORKER if they have seen FRY. The NEW NEW YORKER points inside O’XORGNAX’S PUB to FRY.

 

[LEELA looks at FRY, who gasps. FRY and BENDER start running away]

 

LEELA, into her wrist device:  
This is officer 1BD1, requesting backup.

 

SMITTY THE PEACE OFFICER, right beside LEELA:  
We’ll be there in five minutes.

 

[BENDER and FRY continue running through the streets of NEW NEW YORK. They approach THE MUSEUM, BENDER grabs FRY’s sleeve]  
We can hide in here! It’s free on Tuesdays!

 

[BENDER drags FRY up THE MUSEUM steps, and they enter]

 

[FRY and BENDER hide behind a shelf]

 

LEONARD NIMOY’S HEAD:  
Welcome to the Head Museum.

I’m Leonard Nimoy.

 

FRY:  
Spock?!

Hey, hey, do the thing!

[FRY makes the Vulcan Salute]

 

LEONARD NIMOY’S HEAD, chuckling:  
I don’t do that anymore.

 

FRY:  
This is unbelievable!

What do you heads do all day?

 

LEONARD NIMOY’S HEAD:  
We share our wisdom with those who seek it.

It’s a life of quiet dignity.

 

[A NEW NEW YORKER woman in goofy uniform appears]

 

NEW NEW YORKER #3:  
Feeding time!

[She shakes pellets into LEONARD NIMOY’S HEAD’S glass, like fishfood]

 

[LEONARD NIMOY’S HEAD eats the pellets]

 

[THE MUSEUM’S doors open, LEELA, and SMITTY and URL the PEACE OFFICERS enter]

 

[LEELA looks around the shelves, doing a double take over FRY and BENDER’s heads. FRY grins stupidly]

 

LEELA. holding the career chip gun:  
Sorry, Fry, but I have to install your career chip.

 

FRY:  
Yeah, well, if you’re sorry about it then why are you doing it?

 

LEELA:  
It’s my job.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

 

[LEELA backs FRY against one of the head shelves. FRY bumps it and ends up knocking RICHARD NIXON’S HEAD off the shelf]

 

LEELA:  
Watch it!

 

[RICHARD NIXON’S HEAD’S glass breaks]

 

RICHARD NIXON’S HEAD:  
That’s it.

You just made my _list._

 

[RICHARD NIXON’S HEAD howls and bites onto FRY’S arm]

 

FRY, trying to get RICHARD NIXON’S HEAD off her arm:  
Ow, ow, ow, ooh!

Stopit! Down boy! Bad president!

 

SMITTY:  
Alright, buddy!

Step away from the head!

 

[BENDER and FRY both raise their hands, as RICHARD NIXON’S HEAD continues to gnaw on FRY’s arm]

 

URL:  
I’m gonna get 24th century on his ass.

 

[URL and SMITTY light up their saber-batons and start whacking FRY]

 

LEELA:  
Please, officers, there’s no need to use force!  
  
URL:  
Let us handle this, weird-y.

 

[URL turns and starts whacking BENDER]

 

[SMITTY continues whacking FRY]

 

LEELA:  
Oh, c’mon.

He’s just a poor kid from the Stupid Ages!

 

SMITTY:  
Keep your big nose outta this, Eyeball.

 

LEELA:  
_No one_ makes fun of my nose.

 

[LEELA roundhouse kicks SMITTY. URL turns and starts coming towards LEELA]

 

[As LEELA takes URL down, FRY and BENDER escape into the HALL OF CRIMINALS]

 

URL, after hitting the ground:  
Damn.

 

LEELA:  
You guys were totally out of control!  
  
SMITTY:  
That’s our job!

We’re Peace Officers.

 

URL:  
Yeah, you know the law: You gotta do what you gotta do.

 

[BENDER locks the HALL OF CRIMINAL’S door]  
Oh no, we’re trapped!  
  
[FRY approaches a barred window and tugs at them]  
Wait a second, you’re a bender, right?

We can get outta here if you just bend the bars.

 

BENDER:

Dream on, skintube!

I’m only programmed to bend for constructive purposes.

What do I look like to you, a _debender?_

 

FRY:

Who cares what you’re programmed for?!  
If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge, wouldja do it?

 

BENDER:  
I’ll have to check my program.

…

Yup.

 

LEELA, banging on the door:  
_O-pen up!_  
  
FRY:  
C’mon, Bender.

It’s up to you to make your own decisions in life.

That’s what separates people, and robots, from animals, and animal robots.

 

BENDER:  
You’re full of crap, Fry!  
[BENDER turns, get’s shocked by a light fixture, and turns back]

You make a persuasive argument, Fry!  
[BENDER goes towards the barred window and starts bending it]

 

FRY:  
C’mon, Bender!  
You can do it!  
  
BENDER, strained:  
Can’t...do it…

...I can’t...do it…

[The bars pop from the window]

 

FRY:  
_YES!_

 

BENDER, laughing:  
You were right, Fry.

From now on, I’m gonna bend how I want, when I want, _who_ I want!  
I’m unstoppable!  
[BENDER’S arms fall off]

_Aw…_

 

[BENDER’S arm picks the other up and reattaches it and itself to BENDER]

 

FRY:  
I dunno how you did that.

 

[LEELA kicks open the door with an exclamation]

 

[FRY and BENDER exit through the window. BENDER pauses to bend the rest of the bars back in the way]

 

LEELA, reaching through the bars:  
_Wait!_  
  
BENDER:  
No, thanks!

 

[FRY and BENDER run through an alley into a dead end. BENDER spots a grate]

 

BENDER:  
Looks like one of us’ll have to bend this grate.

 

[FRY bends down and opens the grate]

 

BENDER:  
_Aw…_

 

[FRY and BENDER descend the grate’s stairs. BENDER reaches up the crunch the grates bars, giggling]

 

[FRY and BENDER reach a platform outlooking a ruined city]

 

FRY:  
Good lord...what is this?

 

BENDER:  
It’s the decaying ruins of Old New York.

[BENDER pats FRY’s back]

Welcome home, pal!

 

[FRY and BENDER walk through the streets]

 

FRY:  
It’s my old neighbourhood…

Man, this brings back a lotta memories.

 

BENDER:  
Keep ‘em to yourself, pops.

 

FRY leans over a fence:  
This is where I brought my girlfriend on our very first date…

 

[Cut to FRY and MICHELLE iceskating together]

 

[Cut back to FRY and BENDER overlooking a pond where a one-eyed tentacle monster now lives]

 

FRY:  
My God, she’s gone.

Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone...

 

BENDER:  
Wait, there’s someone you know.

 

[LEELA is seen holding the career chip gun]

 

FRY sits down:  
Oh, can’t you leave me alone?

I’m miserable enough already.

 

LEELA:  
Look, I know it’s not much consolation, but I understand how you feel.

 

FRY:  
No you don’t.

I’ve got no home, no family-

 

BENDER:  
No friends.

 

FRY:

-my whole world is gone.

You can’t possibly know what it feels like to be so alone.

 

LEELA:  
I understand.

I’m the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet.

My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don’t even know what galaxy they’re from.

I know what it feels like, to be alone.

 

[FRY and LEELA pause to meet each other’s eyes]

 

FRY:  
Look, Leela, I don’t understand this world, but you obviously do.

So I give up.

If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I’ll do it.

 

[FRY holds up her hand]

 

[LEELA raises the career chip gun, and FRY braces herself]

 

[LEELA removes her own chip]

 

FRY:  
Your chip…

What are you doing?

 

LEELA:  
Quitting.

 

FRY:  
Why?

 

LEELA:  
Because I’ve always wanted to.

I just never realized it until I met you.

 

[LEELA places her hand on FRY’s, and they both smile]

 

[BENDER places his hand over FRY and LEELA’s]

 

FRY:

What is the matter with you…?

 

BENDER:  
I just wanted to be part of the moment.

 

LEELA:  
Hey, he stole my ring!  
  
[BENDER returns LEELA’s ring]

Sorry.

Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring.

This calls for a drink.

 

[BENDER opens his compartment and pulls out three beers, then walks away drinking all three]

 

LEELA:  
I don’t wanna spoil the party, but we’re all job-deserters now.

We’re unemployed, and we have nowhere to go.

 

FRY:  
Correction, we’re unemployed.

But we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

 

[Cut to THE PROFESSOR snoring in his armchair]

 

[Shown on the TV]

DICK CLARK’S HEAD:  
Hello, I’m Dick Clark’s head.

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year’s Rockin’ Eve

[THE CROWD cheers]

 

[The doorbell rings, waking THE PROFESSOR]

 

[THE PROFESSOR opens his door]

Who are you?

 

FRY:  
I’m your dear old aunt-uncle Fry.

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
I don’t have an aunt-uncle Fry.

 

[BENDER pushes his way in]  
You do now.

 

[Cut to FRY and THE PROFESSOR with their fingers in a machine. The machine gives a ding]

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
By God, I am your nephew!  
This is absolutely incredible!  
  
BENDER:  
Haha, can we have some money?

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
Oh my, no.

[Walking throughout the building]

Let me show you around.

That’s my lab table, and this is my work stool.

And over there’s my intergalactic spaceship.

And here’s where I keep assorted lengths of wire

[THE PROFESSOR opens a drawer]

 

FRY:  
Woah, a real-live spaceship!  
  
THE PROFESSOR:  
I designed it myself.

Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

[He opens the drawer again]

 

[There’s a knock at the door]

 

SMITTY:  
Attention, job-deserters.

Come out with your hands up, we have you partially surrounded!

 

[LEELA gasps]

 

FRY:

No!  
  
[BENDER shits a brick]

 

RICHARD NIXON’S HEAD:  
Get those bums!

 

BENDER:  
Welp, we’re boned!

 

LEELA:  
Can’t we get away in the ship?

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
I suppose it is technically possible.

Though, I _am_ already in my pajamas…

 

[FRY and LEELA run towards the ship. BENDER follows, carrying THE PROFESSOR]

 

[FRY runs in and sits at a control panel]

I’ll get us outta here!  
[She presses some buttons and pulls a lever, resulting in a cup of coffee being made]

 

THE PROFESSOR, still being carried by BENDER:  
Can anyone drive stick?

 

LEELA takes off her jacket:  
I can, as long as I don’t have to parallel park.

[She sits at the driver’s seat, intensely starting the ship up]

 

[Planet Express’ ceiling opens to make way for the ship]

 

URL, to a PEACE OFFICER:  
If they try to take off, give ‘em an _ass_ full of laser.

 

LEELA:  
Prepare for liftoff.

Ten-

 

[The rest of Earth begins counting down]

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
Three.

 

BENDER, nervously:  
_Two._

 

LEELA:  
One!  
  
FRY:  
Blastoff!

 

[They take off as the fireworks start]

 

RICHARD NIXON’S HEAD:  
Fire.

Fire!  
  
[The PEACE OFFICER begin firing at the sky]

 

SMITTY:  
I can’t see nuttin’!

Pretty, though.

 

[The ship experiences some turbulence, then they’re in the clear]

 

[EVERYONE cheers]

 

FRY:

So I guess without jobs, we’ll be fugitives forever.

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
Not necessarily.

Are you three by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew?

 

BENDER:  
New crew?

What happened to the old crew?

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
Oh, those poor son’s a’ b-

But that’s not important.

What’s important is I need a new crew.

Anyone interested?

 

FRY:  
Yes.

Yes!  
That’s exactly the job I’ve always wanted!

 

LEELA:  
Thanks for the offer, professor, but we don’t have the proper career chips.

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
Oh, that won’t be a problem!

As luck would have it I saved the chips from my previous crew!

 

[THE PROFESSOR empties an envelope labelled “CONTENTS OF SPACE WASP’S STOMACH”]

 

FRY:  
This is awesome!  
Are we gonna fly through space, fighting monsters and teaching alien women to _love?_

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
If by that you mean transporting cargo, then, yes, it’s a little home business I started to fund my research.

 

FRY:  
Cool!  
What’s my job gonna be?

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
You’ll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination.

 

FRY:  
Sooo, I’m gonna be a...delivery girl?

 

THE PROFESSOR:  
Exactly!  
  
FRY:  
_ALL RIGHT...!_ _  
_ _I’M A DELIVERY GIRL!_

  
  
  


 


End file.
